🚩 Red Flag Calculator
How many red flags does your relationship have?
What Are Red Flags in a Relationship?
Red flags are warning signs that indicate potentially problematic or even harmful behavior patterns in a relationship. They can range from subtle patterns that make you uncomfortable to serious behaviors that signal emotional or psychological abuse. Recognizing these signs early can help you make informed decisions about your relationship.
Our Red Flag Calculator evaluates 10 key relationship behaviors across four important dimensions: Respect, Control, Communication, and Emotional Safety. Based on your answers, you'll receive a personalized assessment of your relationship's health and actionable advice.
Why Red Flags Matter
In the early stages of a relationship (often called the "honeymoon phase"), it's easy to overlook concerning behaviors. We make excuses: "They were just stressed," "They didn't mean it that way," or "I'm probably overreacting." But relationship experts agree that paying attention to these warning signs early can prevent years of unhappiness or even abuse.
Red flags aren't always dramatic. Sometimes they're subtle patterns that slowly erode your self-esteem, isolate you from friends and family, or make you feel like you're constantly walking on eggshells. The earlier you recognize these patterns, the better positioned you are to address them or make decisions about your future.
Common Relationship Red Flags
While every relationship is unique, certain behaviors consistently indicate problems:
- Boundary violations - Repeatedly ignoring your "no" or pushing you past your comfort zone
- Control and isolation - Monitoring your phone, limiting friendships, or making you feel guilty for having a life outside the relationship
- Lack of accountability - Never admitting fault, always blaming you or others for their mistakes
- Dismissing your feelings - Telling you you're "too sensitive" or that your concerns don't matter
- Love bombing followed by withdrawal - Intense affection that suddenly disappears when you don't comply
- Jealousy disguised as love - "I only get jealous because I love you so much"
- Moving too fast - Pushing for commitment before you're ready
- Inconsistent behavior - Being wonderful one day and cruel the next
Understanding Your Red Flag Score
Your red flag score represents the number of concerning behaviors present in your relationship. Here's what different score ranges typically indicate:
0-10% (Green Zone): Minimal red flags. Your relationship shows healthy patterns of respect, communication, and mutual support. Continue nurturing your connection!
11-30% (Yellow Zone): Some areas for improvement. Minor concerns that are common in relationships but worth addressing through open communication.
31-60% (Orange Zone): Significant concerns. Multiple red flags suggest patterns that could become problematic. Consider couples counseling or serious conversations about these issues.
61-100% (Red Zone): Major red flags present. These patterns indicate potentially harmful dynamics. Please prioritize your wellbeing and consider speaking with a relationship therapist or counselor.
What To Do If You Spot Red Flags
Recognizing red flags is the first step. Here's what you can do next:
- Trust your instincts - If something feels wrong, it probably is
- Talk to someone you trust - Friends, family, or a therapist can offer perspective
- Have an honest conversation - If safe to do so, discuss your concerns with your partner
- Set boundaries - Be clear about what you will and won't accept
- Seek professional help - A therapist can help you navigate difficult decisions
- Know when to leave - Some behaviors are dealbreakers that require immediate action
Red Flags vs. Normal Relationship Challenges
It's important to distinguish between red flags and normal relationship challenges. Every couple faces disagreements, misunderstandings, and rough patches. The difference lies in patterns of behavior and how partners respond to concerns.
Healthy relationships feature partners who listen to concerns, take responsibility, respect boundaries, and make genuine efforts to improve. Red flags are characterized by repeated harmful behaviors, dismissal of your feelings, and lack of accountability.
Share Your Results
After completing the calculator, you can share your results with trusted friends for their input. Sometimes an outside perspective helps clarify situations we're too close to see clearly. Remember, this calculator is a starting point for reflection, not a diagnostic tool.
Your Red Flag Score
Calculating...
Understanding Your Red Flag Results
Now that you have your red flag score, let's explore what it means and what you can do next. Remember, this calculator is designed to help you reflect on your relationship patterns, not to make definitive judgments about your partner or relationship.
What Your Score Reveals
Your score reflects the presence of concerning behaviors across four key areas that relationship experts identify as crucial for healthy partnerships. The higher the score, the more warning signs are present. But context matters - a single red flag doesn't necessarily doom a relationship, while multiple red flags creating a pattern deserve serious attention.
Healthy Relationships Have Green Flags Too
While we focus on red flags, it's equally important to recognize green flags - positive signs that indicate a healthy relationship:
- Consistent respect for boundaries
- Open, honest communication
- Mutual support for each other's goals
- Healthy conflict resolution
- Trust and transparency
- Feeling safe to be yourself
- Equal partnership and shared decision-making
A relationship with few red flags and many green flags is one worth nurturing and celebrating!
Explore More Relationship Tools
Want to learn more about your relationship? Try our other calculators and quizzes:
- Relationship Health Calculator - Assess your overall relationship health
- Relationship Health Check Quiz - Deeper dive into relationship dynamics
- Communication Style Quiz - Understand how you and your partner communicate
Important Resources
If your results indicate serious concerns, please know that help is available. Consider reaching out to:
- A licensed relationship therapist or counselor
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
- Trusted friends or family members
- Your healthcare provider for referrals
Your safety and wellbeing always come first. Recognizing red flags is brave, and seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.