100 Spicy Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend
The questions are the easy part. Any list gives you a hundred of them and this one is no different. What decides how the evening goes is whether you can ask the first one in a normal voice, with the lights on, without turning it into an announcement.
So this list is sorted by heat rather than by theme. The first twenty are safe enough to ask over dinner. The last twenty are not. Work down the page at whatever speed the two of you actually move at, and treat a skipped question as a fact about tonight rather than a verdict on anything.
How to ask without killing the mood
Do not read from a phone. Learn three or four, put it away, and ask them in the gaps that already exist in the evening. Reading aloud turns you into a host and turns him into a contestant, and nobody has ever answered a question about their fantasies honestly while being quizzed.
Two other things that matter more than the wording. Give him a beat before you fill the silence, because the first thing out of anybody's mouth is the polite version. And answer every question you ask, ideally before he does once you are past the first block. If you want a structure that does the asking for you, our Truth or Dare game handles the turn taking so neither of you has to be the one who suggested the next step.
Warm up questions, 1 to 20
Start here even if you both know where this is going. The first twenty exist to get the two of you talking in this register at all, because the difficulty is almost never the answer, it is being the person who asks first.
- What was the first thing you noticed about me?
- When did you first realise you wanted me?
- What is the most attractive thing I do without meaning to?
- Where do you most like being kissed?
- What do you think about when you are falling asleep next to me?
- What is your favourite thing I wear?
- What is your favourite thing I wear when we are alone?
- Do you prefer being teased or being surprised?
- What sound do you like hearing me make most?
- When was the last time you thought about me in the middle of your working day?
- What is the closest you have come to texting me something you deleted?
- Would you rather be kissed slowly or grabbed?
- What is the sexiest thing I have ever said to you?
- Is there a photo of me you keep going back to?
- What is the first thing you would do if we had the whole house to ourselves?
- What part of your body do you most want me to pay attention to?
- Do you like it more when I take charge or when you do?
- What is your favourite memory of us that nobody else knows about?
- What is something small I do that you find surprisingly hot?
- If you could replay one night with me, which one?
Flirty questions that raise the temperature, 21 to 40
These assume he is already leaning in. Ask them with a gap afterwards. The pause is doing half the work and most people talk straight through it.
- What would you do to me right now if nobody could interrupt?
- What is a compliment you have never said out loud to me?
- How would you describe the way I kiss?
- What would make you lose focus completely in the middle of a conversation?
- Have you ever wanted me at a completely inappropriate moment?
- What is the fastest way to turn you on that nobody would guess?
- Do you like it when I whisper or when I say it plainly?
- What is something you want me to do more often?
- Where is the most inconvenient place you have wanted me?
- What do you think about when we are texting and you go quiet?
- Have you ever pictured us somewhere we have never been?
- What would you want me to wear if you got to choose tonight?
- What is the hottest thing that has happened between us in public?
- Would you rather undress me slowly or have me do it for you?
- What is something I do that makes you forget what you were saying?
- How do you want to be touched when you have had a bad day?
- What would you ask me for if you knew I would say yes?
- Is there a word you want me to use that you have never asked for?
- What is the difference between how you want me on a Tuesday and on a Saturday?
- When was the last time you wanted me and did not say so?
Questions about what actually turns him on, 41 to 60
This is the block people skip and then wonder why nothing changed. Men get asked what they want far less often than they are told, and the answers here tend to be more specific and less predictable than expected.
- What is your biggest turn on that has nothing to do with looks?
- What is a turn on you have never admitted to anybody?
- Does anticipation work better on you than the thing itself?
- What is the most underrated part of the body, in your opinion?
- Do you prefer eye contact or being blindfolded?
- What kind of touch makes you stop thinking?
- How much teasing is too much for you?
- Is there a smell or a sound that gets you instantly?
- Do you like being watched?
- What is the difference for you between fast and slow?
- What is one thing you wish I asked you for more often?
- Is there a way you like being kissed that you have never mentioned?
- What does it do to you when I say your name?
- Do you like being told what to do or asked?
- What is something you find hot in theory but have never tried?
- What is the most turned on you have ever been, and what caused it?
- Does it change anything for you if the lights are on?
- Is there a moment in the day when you want me most?
- What is the one thing that never fails to work on you?
- What would you want more of if there were no limits on time?
Fantasy questions, 61 to 80
Answering these truthfully takes trust, so give it away first. Say one of yours before you ask for one of his, and make it a real one rather than the safe version.
- What is a fantasy you have never told anybody?
- What is a fantasy you would actually want to try, not just think about?
- Is there a version of me in your head that I have not met yet?
- What scenario do you go back to most often?
- Would you rather act something out or just describe it to me?
- What is something you want to hear me say?
- Is there a role you would want to play for one night?
- What is the boldest thing you would do if there were no consequences?
- Have you ever fantasised about somewhere completely ordinary?
- What is a fantasy you had before we met that still holds up?
- Is there something you want that you think I would find strange?
- What would you want me to plan for you without telling you?
- What is the appeal for you: the risk, the surprise, or the giving in?
- Would you rather be in control or hand it over completely?
- Is there anything you want to try that scares you slightly?
- What is one thing you would put on a list of things to do before we are forty?
- Have you ever wanted to be somewhere you could not make any noise?
- What would a perfect night look like if nobody found out?
- Is there a fantasy of mine you have thought about since I told you?
- What would you want the first ten minutes of a hotel room to look like?
Bold questions for late at night, 81 to 100
The last twenty only work once the room is already warm. If any of them lands badly, that is information rather than a failure, and the correct move is to answer it yourself instead.
- What is the most honest answer you have avoided giving me tonight?
- What do you want right now that you have not asked for?
- Is there anything you have wanted to try and decided not to mention?
- What is something you would only tell me in the dark?
- What do you think about when you are alone?
- Is there anything you want me to stop doing?
- What would you change about our sex life if there were no awkwardness in it?
- How often do you want me, honestly?
- Is there a time you wanted me and I did not notice?
- What is the hottest thing you have ever thought about doing to me?
- What would you want to hear me ask for?
- Is there anything you have been curious about since you were much younger?
- What is the thing you would never put in a text?
- Do you want me to be louder or quieter?
- What is one boundary you are certain about, and one you are not sure about?
- What is something we used to do that you miss?
- If you had to keep one thing we do and lose the rest, which stays?
- What have you never asked me because you were afraid of the answer?
- What do you want to do to me before the night is over?
- What is the one question you were hoping I would ask?
What to do with his answers
The list is worth nothing on its own. Pick one answer, the one that surprised you most, and build something small around it inside the week. Not a grand plan, an evening. The point of asking is to find out which of the things you both assumed were off the table were never actually on it.
If the answers pointed somewhere you have not been, the kink list gets you both answering privately and only shows you the matches, which is easier than saying any of it first. For a lighter version of the same idea, our spicy questions for couples is a turn taking game rather than a list of things to ask one person, and would you rather questions work well when neither of you wants to go first. On an ordinary evening, 60 questions to ask your partner is the version with no heat setting at all.
Frequently asked questions
Four or five. A hundred questions asked back to back turns into an interview, and the answers get shorter as it goes. Pick a handful from one block, let each one breathe, and stop while you both still want more.
Let it go without commentary and move on. A pass is not a rejection, and the fastest way to shut the whole thing down is to make him explain why he skipped one.
Yes, and preferably first on the harder ones. Asking somebody to be explicit while you stay safe is the most common reason these conversations stall.
The first twenty are not. Work down the page as the relationship earns it, and skip the last block entirely until you have already talked about what you both like.
Something, ideally that week. An answer that never turns into an evening quietly teaches both of you that saying things out loud does not change anything.
Where to start tonight
Take questions 3, 19 and 41. That is one compliment he has never been paid, one memory, and one thing he has probably never been asked directly in his life. If it goes well you will not need the rest of the list, and if it does not, you have lost a Tuesday.