Intentional Dating Values Assessment
- ✓ 14 research-based questions
- ✓ Discover your core relationship values
- ✓ Get personalized insights
- ✓ 3-5 minutes to complete
What Do You Really Want in a Relationship?
If you've spent any time on dating apps lately, you've probably noticed something different. People aren't just swiping anymore—they're asking harder questions. What are my non-negotiables? What kind of partner do I actually need? What does a healthy relationship look like for me, specifically?
This shift has a name: intentional dating. And it's completely changing how singles approach finding love in 2025.
Unlike the casual "see where things go" mindset that dominated dating culture for years, intentional dating means getting crystal clear on what you want before you start looking. It's about knowing your values, understanding your needs, and being deliberate about who you let into your life. Recent research shows that 70% of singles are now actively seeking serious relationships rather than casual connections—a significant change from just a few years ago.
But here's the thing: most people have never actually stopped to define what they want. Sure, you might have a vague idea ("someone kind" or "good communication"), but intentional dating requires more. It asks you to examine your relationship values at a deeper level. What does "good communication" mean to you, specifically? How do you handle conflict? What role does physical intimacy play? How much independence do you need? What are your actual deal-breakers, not just the ones that sound good on paper?
Why Your Dating Values Matter More Than You Think
Your relationship values are the foundation of compatibility. They're not about finding someone identical to you—that would be boring and unrealistic. Instead, they're about understanding what you need to feel safe, loved, and fulfilled in a partnership.
Think of values as your relationship GPS. When you're clear on yours, you can recognize when someone's heading in the same direction. You stop wasting time on connections that were never going to work. You become better at spotting red flags early. And perhaps most importantly, you can communicate what you need instead of hoping a partner will magically figure it out.
The research backs this up. Studies on relationship satisfaction consistently show that couples with aligned core values report higher levels of happiness, better conflict resolution, and longer-lasting partnerships. But alignment doesn't happen by accident—it starts with each person knowing what they value in the first place.
Emotional intelligence has become a baseline expectation in modern dating, and part of that intelligence is self-awareness about your own needs. You can't build a healthy relationship if you don't know what healthy means to you. Our Emotional Intelligence Test can help you understand your emotional awareness alongside this values assessment.
What This Intentional Dating Assessment Reveals
This quiz isn't about finding "the one perfect answer" or scoring perfectly. Real life doesn't work that way. Instead, it's designed to help you reflect on 14 key dimensions that research shows matter most in long-term relationship satisfaction:
- How you prefer to communicate and be heard
- What life goals actually matter to you (not what you think should matter)
- Your emotional intimacy needs and boundaries
- How you balance togetherness with independence
- Your natural approach to handling disagreements
- What physical intimacy means in your ideal relationship
- Your values around money and financial partnership
- Where you stand on family and future planning
- Whether you crave adventure or stability (or both)
- How important personal growth is to you and a potential partner
- What your social life looks like in a relationship
- How you build trust and show vulnerability
- What your future vision includes
- Which deal-breakers are truly non-negotiable for you
Each question is designed to make you pause and think honestly. There are no "wrong" answers—just different relationship styles and preferences. Some people need constant communication; others recharge alone. Some prioritize financial security; others value spontaneity. The goal is clarity about who you are and what you need.
Your results will show you where you stand on the intentional dating spectrum. Are your values crystal clear, or are you still figuring things out? Both are completely valid places to be. What matters is moving forward with more self-awareness than you had before.
Once you understand your values, tools like our Truth or Dare game can help you practice the vulnerability and communication that intentional relationships require.
How to Use This Dating Values Quiz
Take your time with each question. Your first instinct is usually right, but don't rush. Think about past relationships—what worked, what didn't, and why. Consider what you've learned about yourself. Be honest, even if the honest answer isn't what you wish it were.
This assessment works best when you're authentic. Answering based on who you think you should be won't help you find the relationship you actually want. And remember: knowing what you want doesn't make you picky or demanding. It makes you intentional. And that's exactly the kind of person who builds relationships that last.
Ready to discover what you really want in a relationship? Let's start.
Your Intentional Dating Score
How to Use Your Intentional Dating Results
Now that you know where you stand on the intentional dating spectrum, the real work begins—and it's actually more straightforward than you might think. Your results aren't a prescription or a limitation; they're a starting point for making better decisions about who you date and how you build relationships.
If you scored high and have crystal clear values, your next step is practicing discernment without becoming inflexible. Yes, you should honor your non-negotiables, but remember that real people are complex. Someone might communicate differently than your ideal style while still being an excellent communicator. They might have different hobbies while still respecting your need for independence. Use your clarity as a filter for major incompatibilities, not minor differences.
If you're somewhere in the middle—developing your vision or building a strong foundation—focus on active reflection. After every date or relationship experience, ask yourself: What felt right about that? What didn't? Which of my values were honored, and which were compromised? Keep a journal if that helps. Talk through your thoughts with trusted friends. The goal is to move from vague feelings ("that just didn't work") to specific insights ("I need someone who can handle conflict directly, not avoid it for days").
If you're just beginning this journey, be patient with yourself. You don't need perfect clarity to start dating intentionally. You just need to pay attention. Notice what makes you feel safe, valued, and excited. Notice what makes you anxious, dismissed, or bored. Every interaction is data. Over time, patterns will emerge, and your values will crystallize.
Putting Intentional Dating Into Practice
Knowing your values is one thing; actually using them is another. Here's how to make your newfound clarity practical:
Be upfront early. You don't need to interrogate someone on a first date, but you also shouldn't hide what matters to you. If you know you want kids, that should come up within the first few dates. If you need a partner who's emotionally available and communicative, pay attention to whether they're demonstrating those qualities early on. Intentional dating means not wasting months (or years) hoping someone will change or reveal themselves to be different than they've shown you.
Ask better questions. Instead of surface-level small talk, ask questions that reveal values. How do they handle stress? What does a good relationship look like to them? How do they approach conflict with friends or family? What are they working on in their own personal growth? You learn more from these conversations than from knowing their favorite movie.
Trust your gut when values clash. Chemistry can make you want to overlook incompatibilities, but if your core values don't align, attraction won't fix that long-term. If you need stability and they crave constant change, if you're deeply ambitious and they're content coasting, if you process emotions verbally and they shut down—these aren't small differences. They're fundamental. Intentional dating means recognizing when something won't work, even when you wish it would.
Communicate your needs clearly. Don't expect a partner to read your mind or magically know what you value. If quality time matters to you, say that. If you need reassurance when you're anxious, ask for it. If financial transparency is important, bring it up. People who are right for you will appreciate the clarity. People who aren't will show you that early, which saves everyone time.
Keep refining as you grow. Your values at 25 might shift by 35. A value that seemed crucial after one relationship might matter less after another. Intentional dating doesn't mean locking yourself into a rigid checklist forever. It means staying aware of what you need and being honest when that evolves.
Common Mistakes to Avoid
Even with good intentions, people often trip up when trying to date more intentionally. Here are the pitfalls to watch for:
Confusing preferences with values. There's a difference between "I prefer someone tall" and "I need someone who shares my vision for the future." Values are about core compatibility—how you handle conflict, what you want from life, how you show love. Preferences are nice-to-haves. Don't discard a potentially great match because they don't check every superficial box.
Using values as an excuse to avoid vulnerability. Sometimes people hide behind "they're not right for me" when the real issue is fear of getting hurt. Intentional dating requires honesty about whether someone genuinely doesn't align with your values or if you're just scared of letting them in.
Expecting perfection. No one will match your values 100%. Even in the best relationships, there are differences and compromises. The question isn't "Does this person meet all my criteria?" It's "Do we align on the things that matter most, and can we handle our differences with respect?"
Ignoring green flags while fixating on red ones. Yes, pay attention to warning signs. But also notice when someone consistently shows up, communicates well, respects your boundaries, and makes you feel valued. Sometimes we're so focused on what could go wrong that we miss what's going right.
Forgetting that you're being evaluated too. Intentional dating goes both ways. While you're assessing whether someone meets your values, they're doing the same with you. Are you showing up as the kind of partner you want to attract? Are you demonstrating the communication, emotional availability, and intentionality you're asking for?
Building Relationships That Reflect Your Values
Once you've found someone whose values align with yours, the work isn't over—it's just beginning. Intentional relationships require ongoing effort to stay aligned as you both grow and change.
Check in regularly about your shared vision. Are you still heading in the same direction? Have priorities shifted? Don't wait for a crisis to have these conversations. Make space for them during calm moments when you can talk openly without pressure.
Practice the values you identified as important. If communication matters to you, keep practicing it even when it's uncomfortable. If personal growth is a priority, actively pursue it together. If quality time is essential, protect it from the creep of work, obligations, and screens.
Be willing to repair when values clash. Even aligned couples will have moments where different values create tension—one person's need for adventure conflicting with another's need for stability, for example. The goal isn't avoiding these moments but navigating them with respect and creativity.
Remember why you chose each other. When relationships get hard (and they will), come back to the values that brought you together. The emotional intelligence, the shared vision, the communication skills—these are what sustain you when attraction alone wouldn't be enough.
FAQ: Intentional Dating Values
Q: What is intentional dating and how is it different from regular dating?
A: Intentional dating means being deliberate about what you want in a relationship before you start looking for it. Instead of casually swiping or saying yes to anyone who seems interesting, you first get clear on your values, needs, and deal-breakers. Then you date with that clarity, paying attention to compatibility from the start. Regular dating often follows a "see where things go" approach, which can work but often leads to spending months or years with someone who was never right for you. Intentional dating is about being honest with yourself and others about what you're looking for so you don't waste time on connections that won't work long-term.
Q: How do I know what I want in a relationship if I've never really thought about it before?
A: Start by reflecting on past experiences, even if they weren't serious relationships. What made you feel good? What made you uncomfortable? How much alone time do you need? How do you prefer to handle disagreements? What role does physical intimacy play for you? Talk to friends about what they value and see what resonates. Pay attention to your feelings when you're around different people. Consider working with a therapist who can help you develop self-awareness. Your values will become clearer with experience—you don't need to have everything figured out before you start, but you should be willing to reflect as you go.
Q: Does intentional dating mean I have to have a checklist and never compromise?
A: Absolutely not. Intentional dating is about knowing your core values and non-negotiables, not having a rigid checklist of superficial requirements. There's a huge difference between "must share my vision for the future" and "must be exactly six feet tall." You should compromise on preferences and minor differences. You shouldn't compromise on fundamental values or things that will make you unhappy long-term. Intentional dating actually makes you more flexible in the right ways because you're clear about what truly matters versus what doesn't.
Q: What if my values change over time?
A: They probably will, and that's completely normal. Your values at 22 might be different from your values at 32 or 42. Life experiences, personal growth, and changing circumstances all influence what you need in a relationship. The key is to stay aware of these shifts and be honest about them—both with yourself and with a partner. Intentional dating isn't about locking yourself into fixed values forever; it's about regularly checking in with yourself about what matters now and making sure your relationship still aligns with that.
Q: How early should I bring up my values and what I'm looking for?
A: Within the first few dates for major things. You don't need to interrogate someone over coffee about their five-year plan, but you also shouldn't hide what matters to you. If you know you want kids, that should come up early. If you're looking for a serious relationship, not something casual, say that upfront. If emotional availability and communication are crucial to you, pay attention to whether they're demonstrating those qualities from the start. Intentional dating means not wasting months hoping someone will want what you want or be who you need them to be.
Q: What if I'm dating someone amazing but we have different values in one important area?
A: This is where you need to be really honest with yourself. How important is that area? Is it a core value or a preference? Can you genuinely be happy long-term if this difference doesn't change? Some differences can be navigated with communication and compromise—different social styles, varying levels of adventure-seeking, or different approaches to handling stress. Other differences are fundamental deal-breakers—wanting kids versus not wanting them, needing emotional intimacy versus being uncomfortable with vulnerability, or having completely incompatible life visions. Don't try to convince yourself you can live without something that's actually essential to your happiness.
Q: Can intentional dating work if I'm using dating apps?
A: Yes, but you need to approach them differently than most people do. Instead of swiping based purely on attraction, look for signs of alignment in profiles—how they talk about relationships, what they say they're looking for, what their lifestyle looks like. Ask meaningful questions early in messaging before you even meet. Use the first date to assess compatibility, not just chemistry. Be upfront in your own profile about wanting something serious if that's true. The apps are just a tool; intentional dating is about how you use them. Plenty of people find aligned partners on apps when they're clear about what they're looking for and willing to filter accordingly.